Lessons of the Year

And so while most people's year end and begin Dec.31-Jan.1, mine ends in May, hangs out for three months, and begins again in September. And as always, at the end of this year, I am filled with wonder as to how much I do not know, how I will ever be the teacher I want to be, and I have a list of "snags" that I want to change in each of my classes in the hopes of someday being a really good teacher.

(1) Now that I am beginning to know my job and feel like I can technically do it, I need to continue to pursue a life outside of my job. I allow myself to get overly wrapped up in my work as a means of having to avoid not having a huge social life, or not wanting to sit at home and do nothing with me, myself and I. In all fairness, I have worked hard to "get a life" out of school by going to every party I can find an invitation to, online dating (on and off), and making as many contacts as possible. While it hasn't worked well yet, I need to keep trying because I am too wrapped up in my students. I care too much (if that is possible). And this leads me to . . .

(2) It is hard to be a leader/adult. The kids look at me and they see the face of a 22 year old - a peer. Someone with no more experience than they have. And I have to work exceedingly hard to earn their respect. And this makes it extra hard to detach myself when there is a lesson to be taught (i.e. when I have to deal with plagiarism, prima donna syndrome, bad grades that they earned and claim "I gave." It feels like this semester I have put up with more than my colleagues (mostly old white males) have. I am trying very hard to analyze what part of that is me. What part of that can I change? And what part is them? What is the part that I cannot control (such as my youthful appearance :-) )?

(3) As a leader/teacher (a.k.a. parent away from home) I am coming to peace with the fact that I am teaching my students lessons they may not understand for years. It breaks my heart to have some of my favorite students I have ever taught graduating mad at me because of things that have transpired in the last few weeks. I hope with everything inside of me, one day they will back at these few weeks, understand why what happened occurred, where their responsibility was, where they abandoned their responsibility, and be able to look upon me favorably, as someone who really taught them something. One of the hardest parts of being a teacher is letting your students go. But, it is even harder to do when you aren't sure they have learned the lessons you set out to teach them. All you can do is hope . . .

(4) Somes lessons students need to learn for themselves. No matter how true I know something to be, without experiencing it themselves, they will never agree with me or understand what I am trying to explain to them. I feel particularly like the last two on my list so far relate to parenting.

Some lessons I have learned, are lessons learned in the past that I have perhaps still not perfected completely. They include:

(5) Break things down to the lowest common denominator. Never assume your audience knows what you are talking about. This has been a much harder task at RWU than at VCU because the students here really know much, much less than at VCU and in some ways think they know more. It astounds me to make it through a whole semester thinking (since the students didn't speak up) that I am doing a fabulous job teaching them what I set out to teach them. Then I read their wrap up papers/journals that I have them write at the end of the semester and find out that many of them did not in fact learn anything I set out to teach them. Sometimes, they learned other things I didn't expect, equally valid to what I wanted them to know. Sometimes, they learn nothing. Sometimes they learn nothing because they will not allow themselves to be open to the lessons. Sometimes, this devastates me ...

(6) There will always be bad apples. You have to concentrate on the good ones. I am going to wrap up this week by watching the movie The Emporer's Club. I watch this movie probably once a year (though I haven't watched it since I moved here I don't think) and it reminds me of this lesson. Every teacher should watch this movie multiple times.

(7) Perhaps most importantly: teaching is an ever evolving process that will not ever be fully produced (if I am doing it correctly). I will always find things I could have done better, wonder how to teach students that seem "unteachable," and constantly strive to update my curriculum with new tools that are more effective. Just because I don't have a finished product with each class I teach doesn't mean the class wasn't valuable for the student.

As I am wrapping up this semester I am experiencing horrible burnout. In my mind teaching seems like such an impossible task that I will never be smart enough or good enough to do effectively. And then I remember, that is the very thing that makes me a good teacher . . .