RIP

My dear neighbor Joe died today. I got to say good-bye to him yesterday because his family was kind enough to call me before he died saying, "he would want you here." They had a hospital bed in his house, and he was off all medications except oral morphine (which was absorbed through his cheek). He was not awake when I was there. But, I least got to talk to him for a while and say good-bye.

There are a couple of stories about Joe I will never forget. One of the is, when I first met him, he scared the crap out of me. He was this big guy with tatoos on his arm and a motorcycle and he and his wife, Mary, were these fiesty Portuguese people. And then after I talked with him a few times, I was like, "wow - this guy is a pussycat!" Anyway, he immediately became very protective of me. The first week I was lived in the apartment I was terrified because my door doesn't have a bolt. Never have I ever lived somewhere where you didn't need a bolt. Knowing Joe was the ex-cop big shot in Bristol, I went to him to inquire. He told I was safe, and if anything every happened all I needed to do was scream and he and the entire police squad would be in my apartment in two seconds flat.

I also remember two springs ago I was kinda depressed. And I was wishing I had a porch or a balcony so I could sit outside in read (one of my favorite things to do at my parent's house in Utah). So, I went to Joe and Mary (who have a gorgeous porch out front with furniture and a garden) and explained to them that not having a porch made me a little homesick, and would they mind if every once in a while I read out on the porch. They of course, told me, yes. But, they also told me they didn't want the other people in the complex to think they could all come and sit on the porch. It was only for me. And Joe said to me, "if anyone ever asks you about the porch or why you sit there, you tell them it is for the family only and you are family." He repeated this multiple times.

Every once in a while Joe would see my car outside (he and his wife knew EVERY single person in the complex by their car because their kitchen window looks out into the parking lot) and he would randomly call me and ask me to join he and Mary for lunch (which was always Mary's amazing cooking). There were a couple of times I found out that I had slept through the invitation, and at the time I thought, "next time." I tearfully wish I had known that there would be no next time. But, I also acknowledge that it is impossible to know things like that.

I went to Joe and Mary's for Easter. They invited me a week out. They invited me to lots of their events. And I can't even count the number of times, they saw me outside and we got into some impromptu discussion that ended with tea at their kitchen table. I don't really know how to live in that complex knowing I will never see Joe in the kitchen window again. It's will not be the same living environment. I know I will figure out a way, but I will always look at the window hoping to see Joe smiling back. RIP, Joe. You will be so missed!